Translating into "Cycling-ese"

What Cyclists Say and What They Mean

Cyclists are the biggest sandbaggers and secret trainers around. They’ll say anything to soften you up for the kill. Don’t let this happen to you. Study this handy rider’s phrasebook to find out what they really mean when they say:

What cyclists say and what they mean


“I think my tire pressure is low.”
Translation: Slow down, will ya?

“I definitely have a flat tire.”
Help me change it

“This trail is a blast!”
I hope you have good medical insurance

“I’m on my beater bike”
I had this baby custom-made in Tuscany using Carbon Fiber blessed by the Pope. I took it to a wind tunnel and it disappeared. It weighs less than a fart and costs more than a divorce.

“This is a no-drop ride”
I’ll need an article of your clothing for the search-and-rescue dogs.

“That wasn’t that bad…”
Oh…my…god… I’m…having…a…heart…attack…

“Wow, that was at least 10 feet high”
5 feet max. probably closer to 4

“I don’t have a low enough gear.”
I’ve gained 5 pounds

“I’ve decided to buy a lighter bike.”
I’ve gained 10 pounds

“That climb wasn’t that bad!”
I’m going to puke

“I’m carbo loading.”
Pass the beer

“I’m tapering.”
I haven’t ridden in 2 months

“If you’re a good bike handler, you don’t need to wear a helmet.”
I’m so stupid and a brain injury wouldn’t affect me

“She hammers!”
She’s faster than me

“I bonked.”
I went too hard and all I had to eat was a twinkie

“If you don’t crash, you’re not going fast enough, dude!”
I crash a lot

“I don’t own a car.”
I’m a better person than you

“I do all my own bike maintenance.”
When I squeeze the front brake lever, the bike shifts gears

“Thanks for waiting.”
Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face

“Been riding much?”
How fit are you?

“Not much. You?”
My anaerobic threshold is 250 and my resting pulse is 14

“Well, let’s take it easy today.”
Ready, set, go!

“Hold on, there’s something wrong with my bike.”
Let’s stop so I can rest

“My tires suck!”
This climb is killing me!

“It’s getting dark.”
I wanna go home

“This bike is a piece of ****!”
I can’t ride worth ****

“This hill is easy.”
This trail’s pretty tough but I’m gonna try and lose you on it

“My bike was acting funny.”
Otherwise I would have whooped your butt!

“He’s pretty good.”
I know I’m better than him

“He spends a lot of time biking!”
I wish I was as good as him

“That thing’s a piece of ****.”
I wish I had one…

“It’s not that far”
Bring your passport.

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